Children are like pickles

Okay, bear with me, here. At the risk of sounding like a paid promoter for Sharon Astyk, she has a thought-provoking post, followed by an even more stimulating discussion in the comments. I posted a rather lengthy comment there myself and have been moved to further address the topic here. Sharon's point to really determining how we value children is to be able to be very honest when we discuss the problem of, and potential solutions to, overpopulation. I don't really feel like I'm smart enough to take on the issue of overpopulation, so I'm going in a bit of a different direction. To start with, here is my aforementioned rather lengthy comment:


Wow! One of the things that strikes me as I read through the comments is how our society (as a whole) has stripped all of the dignity out of hard work. Having children who are “productive” members of a family is not equal to poor working conditions and hours that violate child labor laws. Productive members of a family grow into productive members of society.

Because we are foster/adoptive parents, traditional definitions of “family” don’t necessarily apply to us. We have borrowed Nancy Thomas’s definition that a family is a group of people working together to make a house a home. So, we work together at chore time and chores really become less of a chore, and it is quality family time. We laugh and have fun, help each other and share in a sense of accomplishment and the joy of a job well done. Instead of breaking the children down into Cinderella-ish versions of slave labor, it builds them up into confident and capable individuals. IMHO, the false inflation of confidence that comes from telling kids that every single thing they do is fabulous regardless of the validity of that statement is a bubble that is bound to burst at some point. Not every person can win every race every time, ya know? An unsuccessful attempt to reach a goal can be a successful opportunity to teach a lesson, if you are so inclined, and can be very constructive instead of destructive.

As I was discussing this topic with my husband, he pointed out that our generation really doesn’t value hard work because we are the first generation (of Americans, anyway) who did not have to work very hard to get to where we are. I do not think it is merely coincidence that we will also be the first generation who, as a whole, does not leave our children better off than ourselves. It seems to me that we have neglected to realize that our *entitlement* has, in fact, come at a very high cost, even if we ourselves have not had to bear the burden of that cost. We have been drawing on the resources built up for us by those who came before. But we have been living to excess and have depleted those resources and now must draw on the resources that will be needed by future generations if we are to keep up the lifestyles to which we have become accustomed. (The costs borne by the world’s poor to keep us in the latest fashions should not be ignored, either.)

I don’t find in Sharon’s essay any implication that children should be viewed as cheap labor either within the household or outside of it. I think it is important to teach children that when you take something out, you put something back in. And hey, while you’re at it, put back a little extra. It doesn’t - and shouldn’t - mean sweatshops. But what is wrong with the vision of parent and child working side by side toward a common goal? I think that’s lovely. Our grandparents were raised that way, and I believe they are better for it.

I want to close by saying that I have really enjoyed the spirited banter in the comments above. There is so much value in being challenged by each other when the goal is to seek better solutions. Please, please, refrain from criticizing a person based solely on the number of children they have. It is not productive and, I think, runs counter to what any of us believe. I gather from the previous comments that everyone here honors the intrinsic value of children and I think that reducing them to a decision that their parents should have made differently only serves to devalue them.


So, what does all of this have to do with pickles, anyway? Well, pickles are a value-added product. That means that when you take something, a cucumber in this case, that has intrinsic value and you add other things of value - your time and talent and a few other ingredients - you end up with an item that has more value than either the cucumber or your time and talent has if they are taken separately. So, what do children and pickles have in common?


If you think of a child as a cucumber - okay, I know this is a stretch, but think of it this way: Like a child, a cucumber is fresh and delightful...but they are both prone to spoilage ;-) If you want the cucumber to retain, and even gain, value long after cucumber season has past, you have to prepare it with the addition of a little heat, a lot of time, some vinegar, and pickling lime. Do you see where I'm going with this? Preparing kids doesn't mean coddling them, it means pickling them! Wait...I don't think that's really what I mean! What I do mean is that giving your kids a little heat can make them stronger and more...er, shelf-stable? What I don't mean is to put pickling lime on your children. Vinegar, on the other hand, is good for a whole host of skin problems, but I digress.

One of the greatest legacies we leave our children is our teaching. And, in truth, it is a legacy we leave whether we want to or not and in our presence or in our absence our children's views on the world begin with us. So, we might as well be intentional about it. Don't just let your children watch you start to garden, or start preserving food. Let them learn with you. Explain to them, in an age-appropriate way, please, why you think it is important to learn or to practice this skill. This one is hard for me because I often feel that I don't have the time or the patience to take a time-consuming task and make it take even longer by inviting my 9 year old to "help" me. So, don't think I am coming at this from some sort of Holier Than Thou perspective. In fact, I assume that I am much LESS holy than thou. I'm a humble housewife. Although, I do wonder if claiming humility is in itself boastful and negates my original claim? Oh, there I go again.

So, when you take on your first batch of pickles, invite your child(ren) to learn with you as you go. Children are truly an investment, in more ways than one. And time is one of the most important commodities we can invest in our kids. Don't think about the one hour task that is now going to take you three hours. Think about the task as the vehicle that will allow you to spend one on one time (or one on two, or three...) with your kid. You can share your worldview, learn about her worldview, talk about the cute boy that sits next to her in music class. In a world where we all wish we had more time, more hours in the day, you will have three hours of quality time with your cherised kiddo and if you accomplish your task, too, well that's gravy. Or pickles. So, go forth and make pickles - of your cucumbers and of your children!
Brooke